Someone else's thoughts could take root in the loam of your mind ; having someone accept you was as vital as oxygen
- The Pact
I have so much - too much in fact , going on in my life and all I have been doing is waiting for the right time to say it.
But I realise that there isn't going to be a right time to vent out all the anger , frustration - some I didn't know existed until today.
Do you ever wonder what is it going to be today ?
Do ever wonder what is the next thing you're going to read here - not that I expect you to wonder.
I always wonder what's next , for me as the blogger of this blog.
What could I possibly give. I like the mysterious element that sometimes I want you to think about what is going through my head or who I really am. But at the same time , I think if you read long enough, you can possibly tell that I almost gave myself away.
At the same time of keeping it mysterious , or poetic , I'll like to give people something to think about.
After all , you and I as people always , always have opinions.
I always talked about keeping it unknown. - like for me to know , for you to find out.
Today , what I'm about to put on the table is what you get. This is me and honesty.
Last night , my day got from bad to worst to much better.
I snuck into my bed at about 1am and said my prayers really quick (nothing I'm proud of) and doze off , almost instantly.
And I had one of the most intense dream. I wouldn't call it a nightmare nor a sweet dream.
In a dream , not so often that we end up some where we actually know.
So , it was that time of the year , cross country - or road run. whatever you call it.
I was running on a route I have never ran or come across in my life. But I know I was running , my legs felt a little heavy but I managed to get myself to the front. From a crowd to an empty lane.It was a good sign , I think. I knew I was near the finish line but the thing is.. I couldn't find it.I followed the signs and direction , I kept ending up at the same wrong place.
The same wrong place was in a building - I don't know how I ended up there but I suppose it was the school , which I've never been to.
I was surrounded by white walls with doors now. But I kept ending up at the same place , no , not the finish line. I obviously started to panic , not only the fact that I wasn't first anymore, but the fact that I was lost. Anyway , to make this short , I ended up in the school's parking lot. It was evening already, purple-ish sky. Everyone was in the canteen , somehow. And I never made it pass the finish line nor did I find the finish line. Never found my way back.
Okay , maybe this sounds nothing like it. Or feels anything like it.
Another thing about dreams is that we often do not remember them.
We only remember a few. And the few should have or would have hit us , in a way , that we somehow remember them. And this dream I had was one of it. Still so fresh in my mind.
That girl , the one following the right directions , the one with expectations the one who got lost. That girl was me. That girl is me.
You could leave or you could bare with me..
I have so much to say.
I always wondered why I'm so scared to live it up , live my life.
Be who I always wanted. Now I understand why.
I was scared because I was afraid I couldn't. I was afraid if I tried and I kept failing , I wouldn't be able to live up to my expectations. What more my parents. The picture I paint for them of the person I am going to be or I want to be. The person who's suppose to walk in that great pair of shoes. My parents have gave in and gave up so much for me , and they do not do that for nothing. They expect me to get somewhere with what they have given me. The thing is , I always asked for whatever it is until they gave in , but I was never sure if I could get anywhere. I don't want to e treated like a joke or not be taken seriously. I want them to believe that I'm not a joke and I can be somebody. But , I don't know how or whether I can do that.
What do people usually call this ?
The phase. Or ' teenage angst '.
Adults see this as the phase teenagers go through. Everything that happens is exaggerated.
Because they forgot how hard is it going through teenage years. Living up to expectations or arguing about why their opinions doesn't make sense and they can somehow be possibly totally wrong or the fact that they think what's best for us is not best for us.
Maybe , maybe they've forgotten what it feels like.
If they think this is nothing, that's when they're wrong again.
There was a time and place not far from here and now
Maybe a brighter day, maybe they had made it somehow
Living for there and then under a psychadelic spell
No one was listening
Still they had so much to tell
Whatever happened to the dreamers
They always looked beyond the sky
Saw a world they could believe in
But only when they close their eyes
Nothing's ever been this way before
A dream is just a dream and nothing more
- The Pact
I have so much - too much in fact , going on in my life and all I have been doing is waiting for the right time to say it.
But I realise that there isn't going to be a right time to vent out all the anger , frustration - some I didn't know existed until today.
Do you ever wonder what is it going to be today ?
Do ever wonder what is the next thing you're going to read here - not that I expect you to wonder.
I always wonder what's next , for me as the blogger of this blog.
What could I possibly give. I like the mysterious element that sometimes I want you to think about what is going through my head or who I really am. But at the same time , I think if you read long enough, you can possibly tell that I almost gave myself away.
At the same time of keeping it mysterious , or poetic , I'll like to give people something to think about.
After all , you and I as people always , always have opinions.
I always talked about keeping it unknown. - like for me to know , for you to find out.
Today , what I'm about to put on the table is what you get. This is me and honesty.
Last night , my day got from bad to worst to much better.
I snuck into my bed at about 1am and said my prayers really quick (nothing I'm proud of) and doze off , almost instantly.
And I had one of the most intense dream. I wouldn't call it a nightmare nor a sweet dream.
In a dream , not so often that we end up some where we actually know.
So , it was that time of the year , cross country - or road run. whatever you call it.
I was running on a route I have never ran or come across in my life. But I know I was running , my legs felt a little heavy but I managed to get myself to the front. From a crowd to an empty lane.It was a good sign , I think. I knew I was near the finish line but the thing is.. I couldn't find it.I followed the signs and direction , I kept ending up at the same wrong place.
The same wrong place was in a building - I don't know how I ended up there but I suppose it was the school , which I've never been to.
I was surrounded by white walls with doors now. But I kept ending up at the same place , no , not the finish line. I obviously started to panic , not only the fact that I wasn't first anymore, but the fact that I was lost. Anyway , to make this short , I ended up in the school's parking lot. It was evening already, purple-ish sky. Everyone was in the canteen , somehow. And I never made it pass the finish line nor did I find the finish line. Never found my way back.
Okay , maybe this sounds nothing like it. Or feels anything like it.
Another thing about dreams is that we often do not remember them.
We only remember a few. And the few should have or would have hit us , in a way , that we somehow remember them. And this dream I had was one of it. Still so fresh in my mind.
That girl , the one following the right directions , the one with expectations the one who got lost. That girl was me. That girl is me.
You could leave or you could bare with me..
I have so much to say.
I always wondered why I'm so scared to live it up , live my life.
Be who I always wanted. Now I understand why.
I was scared because I was afraid I couldn't. I was afraid if I tried and I kept failing , I wouldn't be able to live up to my expectations. What more my parents. The picture I paint for them of the person I am going to be or I want to be. The person who's suppose to walk in that great pair of shoes. My parents have gave in and gave up so much for me , and they do not do that for nothing. They expect me to get somewhere with what they have given me. The thing is , I always asked for whatever it is until they gave in , but I was never sure if I could get anywhere. I don't want to e treated like a joke or not be taken seriously. I want them to believe that I'm not a joke and I can be somebody. But , I don't know how or whether I can do that.
What do people usually call this ?
The phase. Or ' teenage angst '.
Adults see this as the phase teenagers go through. Everything that happens is exaggerated.
Because they forgot how hard is it going through teenage years. Living up to expectations or arguing about why their opinions doesn't make sense and they can somehow be possibly totally wrong or the fact that they think what's best for us is not best for us.
Maybe , maybe they've forgotten what it feels like.
If they think this is nothing, that's when they're wrong again.
There was a time and place not far from here and now
Maybe a brighter day, maybe they had made it somehow
Living for there and then under a psychadelic spell
No one was listening
Still they had so much to tell
Whatever happened to the dreamers
They always looked beyond the sky
Saw a world they could believe in
But only when they close their eyes
Nothing's ever been this way before
A dream is just a dream and nothing more
CHEERS.
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